Do you have a dirty little secret that your partner drags up every so often in order to keep you in line or to try to make you feel small and worthless?
- Do they sometimes just casually drop the secret into the conversation with others just when you thought the evening was going swimmingly and everyone was having a lovely time?
- Does your partner simply have to say one word and threaten that they will reveal your secret so that you squirm and cringe inside?
- Do they dress it up as a joke and accuse you of having no sense of humour if you challenge them?
If a person truly loves you would they ever want to humilate you in front of others and make you unhappy? Unfortunately these are tactics often used by an abusive partner.
These manipulative people know EXACTLY what they are doing and their actions are designed to throw you off balance and to keep you slightly afraid of them – to make themselves feel better and to increase their perception of power.
If somebody finds it amusing to watch anybody else squirm and feel uncomfortable becaue of something that they have said, then that makes them a bully not a comedian.
So, how do you banish these feelings that make your stomach curl up inside?
Tell somebody. Tell your very best friend. They may initially laugh or shriek in horror but if they are your friend they will be sympathetic once they know that this secret is being used to coerce you. As soon as your ‘dirty little secret’ is out in the open it begins to lose its power.
And now you can feel good inside yourself. You have taken another little step to beat your abuser and to stand up for yourself. And the next time that they bring the subject up – well, just smile and nod and know that you are growing stronger each day.
And my dirty little secret?
Remember – this is extremely tough for me to reveal because for years I was made to think that this was abnormal and disgusting………I accidentally soiled the bed whilst giving birth to my daughter!
Image courtesy of MaddArt Photography